General Questions.

1.I find myself completely obsessed w/ sex, and I've never even had it!! I think about it constantly. I have this huge desire to go all the way, yet, at age 14, I feel I truly shouldn't. What can I do to substitute for sex? I have a guy that I am physically involved with and we both feel the same way. What can we try without doing the actual deed?
Answer:It's completely normal to think about sex a lot when you've got hormones racing through your system like the Indy 500. There is something about the notion of "substituting" for intercourse that disturbs me though. The thing is, sex is bigger than intercourse, and it isn't the be-all end-all of sexuality, by any stretch of the imagination.There are any number of things you can try, both with and without a partner. My guess is, your desire isn't so much for intercourse, per se, as you haven't experienced it to know that, but simply to diffuse the sexual longing and frustration that you feel, and that is exactly what masturbation is for, and on some level what sex with a partner shouldn't be for. Work with yourself first, and I think you'll be surprised to discover how much of sexual longing is about you, solely, and not you wanting your partner. After that, you can try any number of things, including mutual masturbation, manual/digital sex (with hands and fingers), oral sex (use protection, please) and even simply talking about sex. These things will not only do the trick now, they'll prepare you for better intercourse when the time comes.

2.I've had two sex partners who both I cared much about. The thing is I have never got ANYTHING out of sex. I don't even enjoy fingering. I wish that at least once I could curl my toes while having sex and mean it. Is it me or is it my partners? And whatever it may be, how I can enjoy sex?
Answer:More than likely, it has to do with you, like many people, assuming sex is something that is given to you or done to you. The best way to enjoy sex is to walk into it understanding that you're responsible for your own sexual satisfaction, even with a partner.Ultimately, the advice to most people who aren't very satisfied with their initial sexual encounters with others is to start instead with themselves. Find what turns you on, beyond your partner, mentally, emotionally and physically. Then explore that in masturbation, and discover what techniques, practices and physical areas turn you on. But all in all, like most things, good sex starts with you, not a partner. Take it from there, and I'll bet you see results.

3. I'm 15 soon to be 16, and I have this great interest in sex, I write about it, I talk about it, and I plan on doing it this summer with a good guy friend that has mutual feelings for me. I wanted to know if having this great interest in sex is normal for teens, especially for girls?
Answer: It certainly is normal. However, too many people when they're young make the false assumption that an interest in sex, or a sexual drive, is an interest in intercourse. Though intercourse is sex, sex isn't only intercourse. A lot of women who assume that wanting sex means wanting intercourse are sorely disappointed when they have intercourse, and discover it isn't what they thought it would be. In fact, some studies show that as many as 80% of women don't usually enjoy first intercourse or are satisfied by it.That's where you, and your hands and fingers, come in. Wanting intercourse as a curiosity is okay, but we should make sure we aren't using someone else to get off, to put it bluntly. You can alleviate both your physical craving and your curiosity by masturbating, and in the long run, you may find it works better when it is sexual satisfaction -- separated from emotional intimacy -- that you crave.
How do you know if you’re healthy? Making an appointment with good health care provider is a great way to determine what’s healthy for you. If your regular health care provider is not experienced in providing adolescent gyn exams and counseling, you should find someone who is, such as an adolescent health specialist, an ob-gyn, a women’s health nurse practitioner, etc. This first visit may not include getting undressed for a Pap smear or physical exam, but rather, will involve a conversation with a caring health professional about your sexual and reproductive health. If your vulva or vagina itches, burns when you pee, has an unusual discharge, smell, bumps or is bleeding outside of your period cycle, however, you should ask to have a physical examination.

4.What is sexuality education?
Answer: Sexuality education goes by a lot of names. Most teens know it as "sex ed," "health class," or "life skills." But it's also called "family life education." Basically, it is a course that teaches you about your sexuality. There are generally three different types of sex ed programs: Abstinence-Only or Abstinence-Until-Marriage. This type of sex ed program generally teaches students that premarital sex can be dangerous to their physical and psychological health. Most people who support abstinence-only education believe that if you teach teens about birth control and safer sex, it will confuse them and send them the message that "sex is OK." Instead, abstinence-only programs provide students with inaccurate and misleading information about contraception; in short, that condoms don't work. These programs also treat topics like homosexuality and masturbation as unacceptable behaviors. Abstinence-First. This type of sex ed program can be a mixture of things. In general, it stresses abstinence as the best way to protect oneself from pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), but also accepts that many students are already having sex or will have sex. In this case, abstinence-first programs tell students about how to use condoms, birth control, and other safer sex practices, and how to get these methods, too. Homosexuality and masturbation may be mentioned in classes, but their treatment can vary widely.Comprehensive. This type of sex ed program provides a positive view of sexuality as a natural part of human development. It teaches about sexual abstinence as well as pregnancy and disease protection, and provides teens with skills to ensure they are able to take care of their sexual health and make healthy, responsible decisions. It gives teens accurate information about condoms and birth control, STDs, including HIV/AIDS, and also includes gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual issues. Each state makes its own decision about whether or not to teach sexuality education and STD/HIV education. From there, local school districts decide what kind of sex ed program to teach. If you want to find out what kind of sexuality education program is being taught at your school, ask your health teacher, your priniciple, or use this document to evaluate your sex ed class. As you compare and contrast the different kinds of sex ed programs, think about what kind of program you would want at your school. Some questions that will help you are: Do you think teens at your school need to know about contraception, such as condoms, the Pill or emergency contraception?Do you think teens should have the opportunity to talk about the issues that are most pressing for them?Do you think teens should have the opportunity to learn about abortion, sexual orientation, and sexual abuse in an atmosphere that doesn't involve stigmas and shame?Do you think abstinence should be taught as one of many choices a person could make for themselves before marriage? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then the sex ed course you had in mind would be either abstinence-first, or comprehensive.If you answered "yes" to all of these questions, then the program you have in mind is comprehensive.At this point you may have decided that you need to change the current sex ed program at your school.

5.Why does my boyfriend always have an orgasm during sex and I don't?
Answer: That’s because guys can easily reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse and girls usually can’t. Girls usually need much more time and more touch to have an orgasm. They need to have their clitoris, a small bump of skin above the opening of the vagina, touched and rubbed. And that doesn’t usually happen during sexual intercourse.Of course, orgasm shouldn’t be the only goal of getting physical. Sex should bring the intimate pleasure of being so close to another person. But, there’s no denying that orgasms are something that most people find really pleasurable and couples should try to understand what makes their partner feel good.

6.Are girls the only ones who worry about their body image?
Answer: There does seem to be more pressure on girls to look a certain way, but guys are starting to feel that pressure, too. Girls get the message that they should be model thin. Guys are made to feel they should look like athletes or weight lifters, with big, bulging muscles. That often leads guys to start lifting weights at a young age. When you start lifting weights before age 14 or 15 (as a general rule), the heavy exercise can damage muscles, tendons and bones that are still trying to finish growing. That can lead to permanent damage. Guys sometimes even take steroids, drugs that can make them larger and stronger. But these drugs are harmful and illegal. Even steriod-type supplements sold in health food stores can cause health problems.Guys also worry about their hair, skin, and the way they look in general. But, unlike girls, guys are discouraged from talking about their feelings. Instead, they’re supposed to “be strong” and keep it all inside. But guys who feel insecure about their bodies should also get help. Talk to a parent or other trusted adult (a teacher, relative or clergy, for example). They can connect you with counselors or support groups that can help.

7.What is a "hand job", and how do I do it?
Answer: A "hand job" is slang for manual stimulation of another person's genitals. When people stimulate each others' genitals some people call it "mutual masturbation". There is no "right" way to touch another person's genitals, whether male or female, because different things are pleasurable for different people. The specifics need to be explored by each pair of people with a little creativity and a lot of honest communication. That means you have to try different things and ask your partner what he or she likes.

8.What is cyber sex or phone sex? How do you do it? Is it safe?
Answer: Cyber and phone sex usually involve sex talk on the phone or over the Internet. Sometimes, one or both people masturbate as they talk about sexually arousing things.For some people, cyber and phone sex are ways to have sexual experiences with another person without the risks of pregnancy, disease, or having to work at having a “real life” relationship with someone. Some people like the distance and anonymity of this kind of sex. Couples who are separated by distance sometimes use phone or cyber sex to stay close while they’re apart. Other times, people in committed relationships use phone or cyber sex to have outside sexual activity that they don’t see as cheating. But, many people do consider this kind of sex cheating. Others don’t. It’s up to each couple to decide what is OK and what’s not.Cyber and phone sex have no risk of pregnancy or disease, since you aren’t in physical contact with the other person. But, if you exchange phone numbers or addresses, then it can be very dangerous since you don’t know who you’re talking to. That’s especially true with cyber sex, where people can lie about their age, sex, and who they are. Sexual predators – rapists, pedophiles -- often disguise themselves and go online to lure young people into sexual encounters, pornography, prostitution and other illegal and dangerous activities. That’s why it’s important to never arrange a personal meeting with someone you only know through the Internet. People have been hurt and even killed by agreeing to meet with people they only know online.

9.How do you kiss? Is there a right way?
Answer: A good kiss is different for everyone. Some like quick, dry kisses. Others like long, wet kisses. Some people prefer French kissing, when you open your mouth and use your tongue to explore your partner’s mouth. Sometimes, this means short, light flicks of the tongue. Other times, it might be longer, deeper tongue action. Usually, banging teeth or having a tongue jammed into your mouth are turn-offs.A lot of people worry about whether they’ll be a good kisser. But, a good kiss often just happens, when two people seem to ‘fit’ together. Usually, it’s best to begin with soft, gentle kisses and move on to more passionate kissing as the relationship develops and you get to know each other better.

10.Can people with disabilities have sex?
Answer: Yes. People with physical disabilities can be sexual. Some may need help. Others may be unable to be as adventurous as they’d like. They might have to be sexual in more creative ways. (Intercourse isn’t the only way to be intimate with a partner).A physical disability does not make a person any less beautiful or less sexual than anyone else.People with disabilities may have a harder time seeing themselves as attractive and sexual. That’s because they are often treated differently, not as people with normal sexual feelings and desires.Also, there are very few role models for disabled people pictured in the mainstream media. Think about it. How often do you see a blind person pictured in magazine ads? Or a person in a wheelchair on television? Not often. The media pretty much ignores people with disabilities. And that makes it harder for others to understand that disabled people can have a healthy sexuality, just like everyone else.

11.Sperm: How long do they live after ejaculation?
Answer: Sperm ejaculated into a woman's vagina remain alive in the mucus of the cervix and are able to fertilize an egg for three to five days. Sperm ejaculated outside the body usually live only a few hours.

12.Where can I get condoms from?
Answer: It will depend on which country you are in, but the best place to buy condoms is usually a chemist or supermarket. Condoms are often available from vending machines in public toilets and in some countries they are available free or at low-cost from clinics. Condoms can also be bought from a number of suppliers on the internet.

13.How often do people have sex?
Answer: Sexual appetite is entirely a matter of personal taste. Some people have sex once a day and others once a month. It probably varies for most people depending on whether they are in a relationship, how busy they are and how they feel. Most people think about sex far more often than they do it.

14.How do you French kiss?
Answer: French kissing, or making out, is kissing with open mouths and touching tongues.

15.Can you pass on or become infected with STDs as a result of kissing?
Answer: No, you cannot pass on or become infected with an STD as a result of kissing. However, you could pass on a cold sore (herpes simplex, HSV1) to your partner through kissing.

16.Do you need to use condoms during anal sex?
Answer: Yes, it is important to use condoms when having anal sex to reduce the risk of passing on or contracting a STD. If two people are considering having anal sex they should think about using extra strong condoms and a water-based lubricant such as KY Jelly.

17.If my girlfriend is on birth control, do we still need to use a condom?
Answer: When taken regularly and according to the instructions birth control pills can be an extremely effective way of preventing unwanted pregnancy. However, the contraceptive pill does not offer any protection from sexually transmitted diseases or infections. Using a condom as well as the pill will protect both you and your partner from passing on or becoming infected with a STD and also offer extra protection against pregnancy.

18.I think I fancy one of my friends - does this mean I'm gay?
Answer: Many people have feelings towards other people of the same sex, and wonder whether this means that they are homesexual. Some people who are attracted to other people of the same sex are gay and go on to have sexual relationships with people of the same sex. Some who have gay feelings find that these change over time and they become attracted to people of the opposite sex. Others may be attracted to both men and women, and have relationships with both.It can take time to work out exactly how you feel, so don't try to rush it. Take things slowly, and remember - gay, lesbian, straight or bisexual, you are normal and you shouldn't be ashamed.

19.How do you ask someone out?
Answer: You could start off by simply smiling, making eye contact and saying hello. If they notice you, you could then think about taking things further. Look for clues about their interests, as these can be a good starting point for conversations. If they seem happy to chat, you could then introduce yourself and eventually work up to meeting for lunch, a coffee, or a trip the cinema etc.Even though it can be nerve-racking asking somebody out, don't try too hard to make an impression. The most important thing really is to be relaxed and be yourself: that way they will know your interest is genuine. Even if the person concerned doesn't seem interested, at least you will know you tried.

20.Why should you use a condom when you have sexual intercourse?
Answer: If you are going to have sex, using a condom is the best way to protect both partners against becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. They also protect against pregnancy.

21.Are condoms effective against HIV and other STDs?
Answer: Condoms are very effective at preventing HIV transmission, and will also help to prevent the transmission of any other infection that's spread through semen or vaginal fluids. However, they are only effective if they're used properly every time you have sex.

22.How do I use a condom?
Answer: Condoms are quite simple to use, but like anything, it can take a bit of practice to get it right.

23.What is a female condom?
Answer: A female condom is similar to a male condom, but is wider and longer and is worn inside a woman's vagina rather than over the penis. It is also made of polyurethane rather than latex. The condom has two rings - the ring at the closed end of the female condom is pushed up inside the vagina, while the ring at the open end surrounds the entrance to the vagina. The man's penis is guided into the condom through this ring.

24.How are condoms tested?
Answer: There are a range of tests performed by both regulatory agencies and the condom manufacturers to ensure that they're safe and strong enough to use during sex. These include electronic testing, the water leak test, the air burst test and the strength test.

25.How can I check a condom is safe to use?
Answer: You need to check that they have not expired, that they carry a standards approval mark, and that they have been properly stored.

26.How often do condoms fail?
Answer: Studies have shown that where used properly, less than 2 in every 100 condoms fails.

27.Is it true that condoms have tiny holes in them?
Answer: Some people have claimed that condoms have tiny pores or holes in them through which sexually transmitted infections such as HIV can pass. This is not true. Many studies have shown that condoms do not have pores big enough for HIV to travel through, and even if such pores did exisit, most latex condoms have walls that are approximately .05 mm thick – a virus such as HIV would therefore have to pass through a barrier around 500 times thicker than itself to reach the outside.

28.What are condoms made of?
Answer: Condoms are usually made of latex or polyurethane. Latex condoms are more widely available and cheaper, although some people can be allergic to them, in which case a polyurethane condom may be more appropriate.

29.How much protection do condoms give against pregnancy? If a condom breaks what are the risks of pregnancy?
Answer: When used properly (ie. the condom doesn't split or burst) condoms can be very effective in preventing both pregnancy and STDs. If a condom breaks and no other from of contraception such as the birth control pill is being used then there is a risk that a woman may become pregnant.

30.Is it possible to get different sizes of condoms?
Answer: Condoms are made in different lengths and widths, and different manufacturers produce varying sizes. There is no standard length for condoms, though those made from natural rubber will in addition always stretch if necessary to fit the length of the man's erect penis.The width of a condom can also vary. Some condoms have a slightly smaller width to give a "closer" fit, whereas others will be slightly larger. Condom makers have realised that different lengths and widths are needed and are increasingly broadening their range of sizes.The brand names will be different in each country, so you will need to do your own investigation of different names. There is no particular best brand of condom.

31.Is using two condoms better than one to avoid pregnancy?
Answer: Using two condoms at the same time - either two male condoms or a male and female condom - is not a good idea as the friction of them rubbing together may result in one or both of the condoms tearing. If you want to take extra precautions against pregnancy when having sex, and are concerned about the possibility of a condom breaking, it is better to use another form of contraception. For example, using the birth control pill as well as a condom will ensure that you have double protection against pregnancy as well as protection against STDs.

32.If I use a condom I seem to lose my erection…
Answer: It is a good idea to get some condoms before having sex and practice using them. That way you can get used to the feel of condoms and putting them on, which should help you feel more relaxed about using them when having sex and less likely to lose your erection.

33.What are spermicides and how do they work?
Answer: Spermicides are chemical products that inactivate or kill sperm to prevent pregnancy. They are available in a variety of formats such as a cream, jelly, foam or foaming tablet that is inserted into the vagina before having sex. Some condoms also come lubricated with spermicide.The most common spermicide is Nonoxynol 9. Recent research on Nonoxynol 9 has found that it does NOT protect against STDs or HIV as previously thought. So spermicides or condoms containing spermicide should only be used by HIV negative women who are sure that their partner is HIV negative as well.

34.Where can you get spermicides from? Do you need a prescription?
Answer: Spermicides can be bought over the counter at the chemists or you can get them from clinics. You do not need a prescription to get them.

35.What does the age of consent mean?
Answer: The age of consent is the age at which a young person is legally able to understand and agree to consentual sex. In most countries, until you reach this age it is illegal for somebody to have sex with you, however old they may be. Sometimes the law is slightly different when the partners are of a similar age, but there is usually still a minimum age below which sex is always illegal.

36.Why do we have the age of consent?
Answer: Although some young people may feel that they are mature enough to engage in a sexual relationship, others may lack the emotional development to deal with this or to feel confident enough to say 'no'. Age of consent laws are there to protect young people from being sexually exploited by adults.

37.What is the age of consent?
Answer: The age of consent is different, depending on where you live, and in some places, the age of consent is different for boys and for girls.

38.Does the age of consent apply to gay men and lesbians?
Answer: Yes. In some places there are different age of consent laws for gay men and lesbians, and in other places this type of sexual relationship is illegal.

39.What is statutory rape?
Answer: Statutory rape is the crime that someone can be charged with if they have sex with a person who has not reached the age of consent but who agrees to have sex. Some countries have different names for this. Some states in the US for example call it 'unlawful sexual penetration' or just 'rape'.

40.What is sexual abuse?
Answer: Sexual abuse is the term for an adult using their age or authority over a young person to make any type of sexual contact. There is a difference between this and two young people who are in a consenting relationship. If you are worried because you know of a young person who you think is in an abusive sexual relationship, please think carefully about what would be the right thing to do. Telephone helplines and sources of help in your country will be able to advise you.